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Sometimes I wish I had the friend-kind of relationship with my parents. Y'know, the kind where you could talk to your mom about boys, school, or just life in general.
The relationship that my mother and I are grounded in is pretty much a mother-daughter relationship and it bothers me sometimes. Because of this, I don't talk much to my parents besides the occasional "hello," or something like that. I'm basically living a double life. I don't show them anything in regards to school- tests, quizzes, etc. I usually just sign those things myself, as bad as that is. And it's not even like I get bad grades or anything! I just don't want to bother going up to them and asking them to sign my stuff and having them ask about the class.
When the rare occasion does take place (where I tell them about a teacher I don't like or something), they usually don't listen to me. I'd have to repeat myself a couple of times before I get a legitimate response.
I feel like this kind of thing is present in a lot of Asian families. I've noticed that Asian parents tend to treat their children and talk to them as if they're only a child and that you shouldn't be "friends" with them. That there should be a level of hierarchy in the relationship. Many American families converse with their children as if they're another person, like they're just any other human being walking the earth regardless of how old or young they are.
I get envious of the people that can tell their parents anything and everything, the people whose relationships with their parents are so solid that they don't care if they say something stupid because they know their parents won't judge them.
Now obviously I know there's still a line which cannot be crossed (or may be, depending on the case) and is still kept in the TMI category, but I just wish that it could be a little different.
This is sort of sad. THat's ok, but it still is.
ReplyDeleteIt is very lonely being a teenager I think. I remember it well. Very lonely.
L
Suprisingly, I am asian too and I can relate.
ReplyDeleteI'm fortunate enough to have a friend-ish relationship with my mom where I can talk to her about more personal issues, but I still know that Asian family hierarchy bullshit too well. It sucks that our parents will always see us as just kids. Even in arguments or discussions, to them, we are only children, which means we make shitty decisions. It sucks even more when you try to show your parents how mature you've become and how much you've grown, but they still put you down.
And honestly, I have no definite resolve, I hope you weren't expecting one. I still struggle with the way my parents treat me, and this is only one of the many problems and inconveniences that come with the Asian identity. But for now, all I can say is: accept your shitty situation and persevere. You were born asian with asian parents who don't wanna listen to you, more or less understand what you're trying to tell them in English. And there really isn't much you can do. But we can accept who we are and just deal. I'm sure there'll be a time where you'll be at peace with your parents, knowing that you became who you are because of them.
I'm working on a better answer for both of us, and when I get it, we can sit down and chat.
I mean it's not like I can't talk to them, but the stuff I talk to them about is just touching the surface. Things like the weather; nothing deep.
ReplyDeleteI get rather uncomfortable when it comes to talking serious with them since I'm so not used to it, so whenever I want to tell them something or some of my insight, I usually keep it to myself.
And I know what you mean. They'll always see us as children, never adults. They always think that we're shallow people and that we don't "think" about more than meets the eye.
My way of dealing with this issue is just to keep quiet. My usual routine is when I come home, I just stay in my room until dinner, then go back to my room. It's more like there's nothing to talk about, and when there is, I'd rather not talk about it with them, y'know?
Yeah, that'd be nice. I have yet to get to know you and I think it would be a good way to start off our friendship, if you'd like.