i need to isolate myself. go to a place where the population is me. i need to stop trying to please others, and strive to please myself instead. i need to be selfish with myself. i need to stop doing others, and start doing me.

Day 4 - Fresh Starts

On Thursday, we watched a documentary on Andy Warhol that strongly influenced what I decided to start. I decided to start fresh. With a new idea. I realized what my problem was and why I couldn't get a solid idea- it's because I was thinking too hard. I was trying to plan what I didn't want to plan. It's a formula for disaster.

Anyway, I'm just going to cut straight to the chase. I was thinking about Andy Warhol, and how all he ever wanted in life was fortune and fame. To be recognized all over the face of the Earth. Although he achieved all of this and practically reinvented the wheel of art, the real solution he was looking for was happiness...and I honestly believe he never found it.

Yes, money can buy things that can make one happy for a period of time, but what is true happiness? Is it what social media says happiness is? To be famous and to have money? What does it mean to be  happy? At what state will one achieve happiness? Is true happiness even achievable?

 At first, I was going to just cut out a stencil and paint over it multiple times to give it that "printed" feel, but my work/motive/idea evolved as I continued to work. It eventually became what you see here.

I chose the words I chose because it's what I believe social media commonly portrays as being truly happy. I cut it out because it's empty; figuratively and literally. But I decided to leave the word "happy" alone and prop it up.

From this, I realized what I actually like to draw, and what I frequently design without realizing it- conceptual art. Luke pinned it for me, and it really opened up my eyes because it's what I've been doing for so long.

As an end project on this however, I'm thinking about heading towards a product design and making this into one of those candle covers. Meaning from this, I'm going to transfer it from paper to sheet metal. You'll see.

a man-
unbeknownst
to all man
wearing a guise,
only selected ones can see-

he stands alone

waiting, biding
until there comes a day
where he himself,
shines brighter than a thousand suns

Day 3 - Say What You Need To Say

I had a mini mental breakdown today regarding my work. I didn't what to do (I still don't) and where I was headed with what I had in mind. I wasn't going to sit around and suddenly wait for the answer to magically pop out of nowhere, so I asked for advice.

I went to Luke for some insight on my trouble and did a terrible job of explaining of what I was having trouble with. I think because I have so many thoughts running through my brain at the same time, I'm trying to say them all but instead it comes out sounding like verbal vomit.

Anyway, he gave me a two books that I'll have to take a crack at. The Spell of the Sensuous, and Molecules of Emotion. I'm stil unsure where I'm going to go with this, but as of right now I'm just going to read and draw at the same time and see what the fuck I come up with. I also think I'm going to just wipe my entire slate clean and just start over fresh. I don't want to focus on Art Nouveau anymore or Tarot Cards or any of that bumblefuck- I want to do me.

I'll gather what inspirations and influences I can and just paint. I'll close my eyes and let my hands do the thinking for me. I don't know what I'll get, or when I'll get it, but it will come along.

Oi.

Day 2

My thought process is very scattered right now; I'm thinking about 10 different things at the same time, and I'm trying to get those ten things all down in paper at the same time. It will get a little bit hectic and I don't feel like fixing anything right now, so I apologize for any discrepancies.

Currently, I'm refreshing and expanding my knowledge on Wicca and trying to nab that Enneagram book from Ellen. I'm planning on reading it if I get the chance to. Also, I think I'm going to start moving away from tarot cards since I figured out that's not exactly what I want to do.

Grace came over to me today and added some of her insight into my work since she realized that I apparently hit a fork in the road. She proved to be very useful, and I think I can call her my Sounding Board and Commiserator. I told her that I was having some trouble, and she suggested that instead of focusing on the art aspect of things, to focus on the bigger picture and then draw something from that. She also suggested drawing portraits of people in STAC and characterizing them with what seems fit under the Five Elements of Wiccan religion.

The Five Elements are air, water, fire, earth, and aether (or spirit). In Wicca, the Tree of Life symbolizes this. It's specifically a tree because it's composed of the earth (soil and plant matter), water (sap and moisture), fire (through photosynthesis) and air (the creation of oxygen from carbon dioxide), all of which are believed to be united through spirit.

Right now, I'm just doing some more research on the five elements and seeing if I can match them to those of the enneagram test. http://www.religionfacts.com/neopaganism/charts/wiccan_five_elements.htm

This will take a while.

Day 1 - Dependent on Independence

I've always enjoyed working alone for the sole reason that other people either one, fuck up everything or two, end up piling all the work on me. So, to save all the inbetween stuff that I don't want to deal with, I think I'm going to end up working alone.

I've always taken a keen interest in Wicca. Something about it being so commonly misjudged and grouped under black magic gives it a sense of exploration. My idea started out with Art Nouveau, specifically Henri Privat-Livemont and Alphonse Mucha inspired things. Then from that rose tarot cards.

I was discussing collaborating on an installation with Courtney, but we hit a bump in the road yesterday when we started talking about what our true intentions were besides the fact that it'd be "cool to look at."

So from that, I'm just starting to go my own path and see what happens.
Also just a thought and an attempt at being fearless- I think I delve myself into acting as a side salad!

Individual Written

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been involved with the Photography Intensive. I’ve begun to take up photography these past couple of years as a hobby, and what better way to improve my skills then partaking in a workshop?

During this intensive, I worked with cold lights, flash units, backdrops, and umbrellas/boxes. The following were shot in mainly black and white with flash units to accentuate the specific shadows being cast. I learned an immense amount of techniques and ways to light a subject. For example, this photo I shot is an example of Rembrandt lighting. It is characterized by the small triangle of light underneath the shadowed half of the face. This is used to evoke a “moody” fashion.

As I further progressed within the intensive, my group and I started to bump it up to the next level and incorporate more personality into the photos. This is a photo of myself with Rembrandt lighting. As you can see, it is not as “constrained” as the previous photograph.

This is an example of Hatchet lighting when used in conjunction with the cold lights. Hatchet lighting is commonly known as Clint Eastwood or Split lighting as the light is only cast on half of the subject’s face. This type of lighting is commonplace for lighting male subjects as it gives off a “manly” feel.

I started off working with only one main light, known as the key light, but eventually expanded to working with both a key light and a fill light. Fill lights are used to “fill” shadows so they are not as harsh. I put a soft box over our fill light for most of the time to diffuse and create a soft indirect light.

           

Taking from what I learned in the so-called “practice” studio, I took it and applied to an actual photo shoot that I shot with a partner. With photo shoots, it’s never about the actual photo per say, but the story behind the photo. The setting was a closet, with “Messy” being the overriding theme. These are a couple of already retouched photos from the shoot. 

I did another photo shoot, using the same principles as I did with the last one I did. With this one I will show you what I learned about photo retouching because it is a big factor playing into whether or not a photo looks presentable. Take this photo for example. The subject is backlit, which makes the viewer’s eye go straight to the background instead of the subject’s face. There are also slight imperfections in the subject’s skin and in the contrast of the entire photo; the list goes on. 

 

Using Adobe Photoshop CS5, however, one can easily fix these problems.

The retouches are made up of a multitude of layers. As you can see, I darkened the background and brought her face out so that the first thing you see when looking at this photo is her face. I brought the photo into Liquify to give her face a more appealing shape. I also added shadow to it to give it a slimming effect.

Working with unpredictable subjects can sometimes be quite troublesome. You can’t get a proper picture due to them either being nervous and uncooperative or just plain crazy. Creating a somewhat “normal” and comfortable atmosphere before shooting was one of the biggest problems that came along during this project. People were nervous and unsure what to do with their bodies; it was nerve-racking for both parties. At the same time however, that is what really tests your knowledge. How to talk to your subject so that the camera pointing at them becomes secondary. It becomes more about the experience and the bond between photographer and subject. How to make it seem natural, yet at the same time as a result, take nice photos.