Beginnings

Sometimes I feel as if my freshman self was more zealous and carefree when heading into a project.
Lately it feels like I've become more cautious and curious about making something good. I tell people that it's all in the process and that you shouldn't worry about making a good "x", especially if it's your first. But perhaps I'm not practicing what I preach.

I think I can attribute this to energy and freshness. During my freshman year, everything was spectacularly new and different. I was in a new environment and adjusting to this new concept known as "STAC" and "Bold Optimism." Knowing myself, I get bored quite easily and unless I find a reason to continue working on something, I abandon it. But I also think it's important to see things through till the end because producing work and getting things done is what will count in the end.

That being said, I do feel like a reason why I've partially lost that "gung ho" drive is because I've become comfortable. High school no longer offers me anything new and I need change in order to thrive. I'm twiddling my thumbs and waiting to go to college already where the people are different and the challenges are worth while. Or maybe I'm making excuses. Not sure.

Now on the topic of what keeps me from starting something....

I have preoccupations (also colloquially known as distractions) and a routine that usually sets me up to work. When I'm at home, I have to clear my table, make myself a cup of tea, check Facebook, close Facebook and then get comfortable. It's only then that I usually am able to sit down and get going on a project like writing a paper.

Some tricks that I use to get myself started is to set up things the night before so that the next day, I'm more motivated to work on it. For example, if I'm set to work on a paper (this is my example at the current moment because well, I'm in the midst of writing my "do or die" PiG paper), I'll open all the documents I'll need the night before so that the next time I sit down in front of my computer to work, I'll dive right into it.

Fear

Fear.

Through the years that I've been in STAC, one of the main ideas that Luke has tried to pound out of everybody is the concept of fear. Everything that we cannot do comes from the root of fear. The fear to disappoint, the fear that we are not good enough, the fear that others will judge us, the fear that we will fail...the list goes on. Fear disguises itself as "laziness, resistance to deadlines, irritation with materials or surrounding, distraction over the achievements of others...anything that keeps you from giving your work your best shot."

When making artwork, we encounter a great amount of fear. Hell, we encounter a great amount of fear even when we are not making artwork. But I think that fear may be one of the reasons why many individuals stop pursing their talents within the arts. Let's say that someone who is in high school has the drawing abilities of someone in 1st grade. A peer sitting next to this person is the same age but has the drawing skills of an artist who is twenty years ahead of their present self. The kid who can't draw as well is discouraged from ever nurturing their potential talent because they're put down by other competition. Julian is a prime example that comes to my mind when it comes to shutting the door in fear's face. He only realized and figured out that he wanted to apply for art school in his senior year and if you ask me, that's pretty damn fearless.

That brings me to my next point: when in the realm of art, competition and those who are better than you shouldn't make you feel insecure about your abilities. You should not feel afraid of the possibility that you will never be as talented as someone whose work hangs on the walls of museums. You should however, feel compelled to spit in fear's face. You should feel determined and ready to jump the hurdles that are necessary in order to one day see your artwork among the reigns of greatness. Those who are better than you in what you want to pursue should become a model of what you want to achieve and someday even surpass.

Let them function as a beacon of light, not a hopeless abyss of darkness.

"On the other side of fear is freedom."