The reason why I'm able to forgive people so easily is because I've seen what not being able to forgive can do to you.

Pratt's Pre-college

For the summer of 2013, I'm planning on taking Pratt's summer pre-college program.

Me, being a very undecided individual, is planning on choosing the major "Art and Design Discovery: Explore 2D and 3D techniques in this interdisciplinary course; sample areas of study such as fine arts, illustration, graphic design; and delve into the 3D process of designing objects within industrial design."

That sounds PERFECT for me because it has a little bit of everything, which I'm hoping will really help me decide what I want to do in college. Obviously I'm keeping Communication Design in the back of my head, but I want to explore my options. I also earn 4 college credits for completing it!

So the Art & Design class will be my major, but upon signing up, they also enroll you in other mandatory classes. This includes a Foundations class, an Art History/ Appreciation class, and a Portfolio development class.

Now that all that is out of the way, I want to get down to the nitty gritty. I'm planning on applying for a scholarship for this program, which will be due on March 15. I need to do this:

ART, DESIGN, and ARCHITECTURE: Submit 5 – 10, color photos /digital prints, or 35mm slides. Individual prints should be no larger 8.5 x 11 and may be printed on any paper. No other formats will be accepted. Images of paintings, drawings, 3-D work, sculpture, ceramics, jewelry, printmaking, photography, and other media may be submitted.    (All applicants may include some images of work in their chosen elective however observational drawing is a key component to any portfolio.)

I'll be working on that. I have a few things in mind already:

[ #1 ]

 OR

[ #2 ]

Better picture of this:

[ #3 ]

(Better picture if needed)

OR

[ #4 ]

 A print of that linocut I've been working on.

[ #5 ]

Those giant charcoal drawings/sketches that I did last year for STAC.

[ #6 ]

[ #7 ]

A better photo of this:

[ #8 ]

A completed version of this: 

None of these choices are set in stone yet. I am still open to working more and developing more pieces to add in. I have to consult with Luke and Ganes and see what they think.

I'm excited.

Yet another ongoing photo from the piece I've been working on every Sunday. This time around instead of 2 full hours, I only had around 30 minutes to work. I tackled the grapes. I'm hoping to finish the rest of the grapes next time.

Today, I was trapped in yet another social gathering that involved my parents and their friends. Bored with nothing to do, I took my sister's swiss army knife and began to mess around with the napkins. I cut up a snowflake.

Then, my sister and I had a brilliant idea. This happened.

This is my most recent documentation of the Inside-Outside project that I'm working on in STAC Art. I don't even know where I'm going to go with this. Guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Instead of paying attention in Mr. Pasquier's class, I decided to draw him instead.

After quite a while, we got started on the mural.

We took to lettering in "Winter Poem" with the help of myself, Courtney and Ellen! I am quite impressed about the turn out. It turned out much better than what I thought it'd turn out looking like.

We were originally supposed to paint it, but we decided to keep it penciled in because it has this sort of raw quality to it which was just wonderful.

Obviously, we have to see how the barbed wire and the birds go along with it, so the idea isn't set in stone yet.

This is going to turn out great.

 

Here's an update on my drawing.

Party Hardy

So last night, I organized a STAC "Ugly-Sweater-Holiday-Potluck-Party" at my house! I am rather impressed with myself, because I NEVER go out of my way to organize social gatherings. Whenever I think of "social gatherings" and the word "host" involved, it gives me a headache. Host being the host, will be stuck with all the work of the party and won't have any fun. I've also had some bad experiences with hosting, mainly cause I either suck at it or don't do it enough. Well, not doing it enough does equate to sucking, yes?

We played some good 'ol boardgames. Stuff like Taboo and Apples to Apples; it was a hit! Plus, I set up a campfire in my backyard to make s'mores, and obviously what kind of party would it be without karaoke? Plus, making it a potluck was a pretty smart idea on my part. Since it was my first time hosting something serious, it was a nice to have other people bring stuff that they wanted to bring.

Hopefully, everyone had a great time. I mean I did, anyway.

Hosting was not as bad as I thought it'd be. There was a lot of running around and slight sweating, but it was much more enjoyable than I thought it'd be. It's interesting to see what it's like to be a host for a change instead of an attendee.

Feels good to do something that brings people together.

Painting a soccer ball

My boyfriend's birthday is coming up (in 8 months...none the less), and I was just tossing around some ideas for what I should get him. I arrived at the idea of painting a soccer ball because he's a HUGE soccer fan.

Now, I have a couple of designs sketched out already, but they're not definite.

The first one is of a series of building protruding from the ocean, followed by a sunset/night sky in the background. The second design is of the ocean, a boat, and the milky way galaxy + constellations as the background. 

I'm sort of leaning towards the second design. It's simple and lovely, to me anyway.

Time to think technically- I was doing some research on the web, and I couldn't find ANYTHING about painting soccer balls, but then again, who routinely paints soccer balls? Since soccer balls have a hard and shiny surface, I was thinking that it may be a little difficult to prime. I may have to sand the surface (if it's even possible) of the soccer ball first and apply gesso on top to create a base. I would paint it with acrylics. I will have some planning out/ research to do....except my only problem is that there isn't much stuff on the web about it! 

I might just have to do a trial run and see what happens.

Today in STAC, I got working on the mural project that Luke told me about.

I carved some linocuts of barbed wire. It'll turn out cool.

Photography 365

I have a photography 365. I started November 8, 2012. Check it out here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/meeshl/sets/72157631964884282/

Had some free time in STAC and came up with this. 

When in doubt, doodle.

I go to fine art classes every Sunday morning from 10:30-12:30. It's run out of my good family friend's basement, whom I've known for 7 years. My teacher, Bing Chen, comes of a family of well known artists, himself included. He's a great guy.

I'm currently working on this still life piece. It's done with colored pencil (Crayola and RoseArt....none the less. This is because he also has many young students, so he can't afford to buy expensive materials for them to use. I'm going to start bringing my own Prisma colored pencils. Why haven't I thought of that earlier?!).

We're working on inside-outside projects in STAC Art, and I believe I accomplished quite a lot today.

I also learned a bit about myself through this. I spend so much planning and trying to organize things, and not enough time just letting go and letting my painting/artwork do the speaking. Today, I let my painting guide me and go where it wanted to go. I think it came out decent, but it's still a work in progress. I don't know how the end product is going to look like.

Eventually, both the red dots with become target signs. I need to finish that next time, and put a wall in between the two different textures.

Linocut

I had this drawing that I had done in my sketch book, and I wanted to turn it into something bigger. So I went to Luke for some insight. He suggested that I turn it into a linocut, and I loved the idea so that's what I did!

It is still a work in progress obviously, but I'm getting there. I would like to eventually put down some (burgundy?) block paint, print it, and accent it with some gold/cardamom yellow. I'm planning to create maybe 20-25 prints, and gift them to people for the holidays.

Progression

We ended STAC today with some improv.

I'm quite satisfied with myself because I feel like I've made a lot of progress in the realm of "not-being-self-conscious" when I'm trying to act in front of an audience. 

I didn't care if I made an ass of myself because I knew that the more you put yourself into you, the better the reception. And that's precisely what I did. Compared to last year, I also feel like the amount of stress and pressure to do well was alleviated. 

The moment I gave myself into it, the moment my mind freed up and ideas were allowed to flow. I will be looking forward to doing more improv!

"Those who mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind." - Dr. Suess

Can't wait to get out from under this roof and away from my psychopathic parents.
I love them and all, but that doesn't make them any less psychotic.

THREE MORE YEARS, MICHELLE. THREE MORE YEARS.

Help!

I'm a swirl of possibilities again.

I was thinking about college majors and what I want to do, and I was just hoping someone could provide for me some insight. I thoroughly enjoy art and creating art, designing, and all of that stuff, but I simply don't know where to head with it.

I'm sort of feeling communication arts; studying graphic design or public relations?
Arts management, maybe?

I'm interested in sociology. And microeconomics. And the human psyche. And demographics.

If I were to mix all of that together in one giant melting pot - art & design, management, sociology, microeconomics, psychology and demographics - that's what I'd want to do for the rest of my life.

What does it take to become a creative director?

If I think about it hard enough, all of this is really starting to sound like advertising design. Which sucks. Because my sister is an advertising major. Is it bad to major in the same thing as a sibling?

What the fuck do I do? I know I'm the only one who can truly answer that question and decide for myself, but any guidance would be helpful.

Artistic Inquiry

I am ecstatic to finally announce that I am finally out of my artistic slump.
Do I get a parade equipped with confetti for this?

It all started with this:

I call it "Continuous Referendum."

This is just a work-in-progress which I'm definitely going to transform into something bigger and better. Luke and I were throwing around ideas today, and he mentioned that I should maybe come up with a proposal to paint a mural on one of the school walls. No one in STAC has ever done it before, and it's an attractive idea. I have one concern if I go big on this though- I'm afraid that it'll lose the attractive quality it has for me through the process that I'll have to withstand, that is, if this does make it to mural status. Yeah, doing this on a small scale (my sketchbook) was simple because it was within my physical boundaries, but once I take it out of those boundaries and expand, that's where I'll run into problems. Proportions and rulers will be necessary. Precision and extreme amounts of time will be necessary. And failure will always be lurking around the corner.

One of my fears that I'm still learning to overcome (along with many other people) is the idea of failure. Failure is extremely scary in any and every sense of the word, and that's okay. It's okay to be afraid to fail because as humans, it's not in our nature to see failure as something that is "acceptable." But the more important part is realizing that failure is essential in the equation for success. You don't improve without making a mistake, taking that mistake, and learning from it. Never allow yourself to give up on anything because then it will become a parasite that will continue to feed and grow on you. In good time, if you let this happen, all you will know is how to give up.

Since I'm still learning to cope with failure, I've decided that I'll be taking baby steps. There's going to be several steps (or maybe not) till it gets to mural stage.
- Double the size and paint it.
- Double the size, do it digitally, and print it.
- Create an etching/silkscreen/letterpress on multiple sizes.
- Experiment with it on the STAC wall to get a feel for how it might look on a larger scale.

And if I like the results and believe that I can do it,
- Write a proposal, get permission and do a mural.

Optimist, Pessimest, Realist

Personally, I don't enjoy all of the connotations that are tied to the words "optimist, pessiment, and realist." They do not determine whether you are a good or bad person. It is just a matter of fact; it's neither good or bad. It just is what it is. Whatever floats your boat and gets you by, right?

I'm the sort of person who always has their head in the clouds. I'd say that I'm both an optimist and a pessimist, and that's fine by me.

Started another 365.

A photography 365.

Check it.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/meeshl/sets/72157631964884282/

I wish I had a studio all to myself. A place where I could immerse myself in my art and inspirations. I'm thinking of turning my current room into a studio. I already have an idea of what to do with my room; I'm going to repaint my walls, decorate my walls with my work and inspirations, and get one of those "bunk beds" where the top is the sleeping area and underneath is a work place.

But I need to stop wishing & wanting, and start doing.

I feel like my brain is slowly rotting away....creatively speaking, of course.

I need a new spark of energy and inspiration.

I am in a artistic slump right now, and it's bothering me.

But I am interested in learning how to do paper marbling....so I guess I could start from there and see where it takes me.

Portfolio Reviews

Tonight, I attended a portfolio review out in Huntington. I know I may only be in 10th grade with 2 more years to go until college, but hey, it never hurts to start early right? It was my first review, and I think it went pretty good.

I got reviews from representatives from Pratt and Cooper Union.
Personally, I think the review from Pratt was a lot more comfortable to go through than the one from Cooper. All I got from the Cooper Union review was that they focus heavily on fine arts. Nothing much more. Meh.

The rep. from Pratt gave me a lot more insight. He brought up some interesting topics - he looked at the portfolio that I gathered, and mentioned this new and upcoming field of art called Interactive Art. He described it to me, and it perked my ears a bit.

I might look a little into that.

Artist Inspirations; An Ongoing List

Philip Guston
Ischia
1948, ink on paper

Egon Schiele

Selbstportrat Als Heiliger Sebastian 

1941, pencil on paper

Standing Male Nude with Red Loincloth

1914, gouache, watercolor and pencil

Wassily Kandinsky

Composition VII

1913, oil on canvas

Robert S. Neuman

Ship to Paradise - The Wreck

1987, mixed media

Ship to Paradise - Encumbered by a Great Rock

1987, mixed media

Ship to Paradise 2

1977, lithograph

Kiki Smith

Born

2002

Banksy

Newwww Yawwwwk

I'm planning on doing another photography project.

I'm going to shoot in selective black and white photos.

The project is going to centered around people. The type of people that congregate with other people. The type of person you'd find in a specific place. What magnetizes them?

Mr. Pasquier made an interesting point to me in class today that really helped me to realize something.

He said that "Perfection is boring. Imperfection almost makes perfection."

That really stuck with me because I'm still in the phase of trying to adjust the way I work; from knowing everything to just trying to loosen up. To let the artwork guide me, not my mind.

My Koan

Why won't people pay attention to me?

----

I'm afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of not being loved.

----

The more I know about myself, the more afraid I become.
It's really scary. It is literally horrifying.

I don't know if I like this.

This shit blows.

Clear Days

Today was just a day of STAC art. I needed today. I enjoy STAC art very much because within the class, I feel like it's just easier to get those creative juices flowing.

My creative ability felt like a well oiled machine today. It was nice to feel like this especially after that day of being down in the dumps about my individual project.

I've also thought about what Luke told me this afternoon. He said that he's not clear on whether or not I should keep the "cartoon" aspect of my work or get rid of it as soon as possible. He said that it's a sort of fall back plan when nothing else is in place. I understand why he would say that because it makes a lot of sense. This kind of style falls into the same category as "cliché." But I think that it doesn't pose any REAL threat to myself as an artist. It's not like I don't know how to draw traditionally. It just means that I might just have to work harder at it, and I'm okay with that. I certainly am capable of producing work without this style which I think is important. I enjoy this simple style that I have because it's just something that is quick and simple for those days when I am just in the mood to create. 

Time Thief

I think I discovered another one of my possible artistic issues- time.

Time makes me anxious. The more I think about it, the more anxious I become. I feel as if the kernels of my life span are disintegrating between my very fingers. It's bizarre; at times I feel as if there isn't enough time in the entire stretch of space to do everything that I want to do. At other times, I feel like I have too much time. Time scares me. Time doesn't stop for anybody. Time doesn't give a shit about you.

It was around 2AM, and I was doing some thinking. I was also on the phone with my boyfriend listening to him tell me all about his childhood.

Unlike my family, his family is extremely close knit. His childhood was what one could call "perfect. He had the sort of childhood where after his soccer games, his father would take him out for ice cream. I'm actually quite jealous of the relationship his family shares (not that I don't appreciate my own). He also had what seemed like endless story after endless story. I thought about what I spent my childhood doing and I couldn't really think of anything of terrible importance.
For that sole reason, I was a bit panicky. I know I had a normal childhood and that I wasn't "robbed" of a childhood, but I feel like I've been in a way, robbed of time.

I talked to my boyfriend about this, and he told me that one shouldn't be afraid of time. That one should instead embrace time with open arms. Life happens in chapters, and each chapter has it benefits and it's down sides. For example, childhood is enjoyable in the aspect that you don't harbor much responsibility but it's annoying in the aspect that you don't have a lot of freedom. Early adulthood does come with responsibility, but it also comes with the added bonus of freedom.

Although he said all that, I still can't help but feel like I need to make up for lost time. That there's something that I constantly didn't fulfill. It makes me anxious....once again.

Grrrrrr.

Artist's Block

For those of you that were in STAC last year- remember those grids we made of ourselves on the wall outside of the STAC room? Well, mine was extremely structured.

I tend to think in a rather "defined" manner. Because of that, I ran into some problems. The independent project that Luke assigned me was focused on planes, but more importantly on being loose. I failed.

So I just threw some brain vomit (left side) on the sheet and moped all the way home.
But as Luke always says, you can't make something great without making a crapload of well, crap.

That was yesterday. I was miserable. 

Today, we tackled the problem. I had to practically install the definition of loose into my brain.

I drew features of my body with my left hand and added volume with charcoal.

Then I turned it into a collage. 

I had no clue what I was doing the entire time, but I didn't care. I kind of liked it anyway.

I guess what I took away from this is that it's okay to not know what the hell is going on. You don't have to. Real artists never know what their final product will look like. They just close their eyes and let the "feelings" take over. 

Cooper Union Outreach Program

I'm going to need to depend on more than just luck if I'm going to want to get into Cooper Union's Outreach Program.

Cooper Union's Outreach Program is a fully paid for scholarship program that lasts for about 5 weeks, meeting every Saturday for an entire day. Only 18 students from grades 10-12 get accepted, and you must live in the NYC/surrounding area. In order to get in however, you must be interviewed and have a portfolio of around 10-20 pieces.

I'm thinking of things to gather already because I'm planning to get in for the Winter 2012-2013.

Blah, I'm going to end up working my butt off for this.
Hopefully all my hard work will pay off.

But even if it doesn't, that isn't a problem either. I'll just possibly apply again. Also, I will just end up having done a lot more art then I would have if I didn't decide to apply to the program!

So in a way, it's a win-win situation either way.

Independent Projecto

I have decided to start my independent project! I'm working with planes. Not airplanes, but dimensional planes. This concept draws from the Post-Impressionist painter, Paul Cezanne.

I have to draw/paint different parts of my body in terms of planes on this HUGE strip of paper. And when I say huge, I mean huge. It's almost 15 ft. I think. Whatever, just know that it's really big.
Being really big, I couldn't hang it up on a wall, so I'm forced to put it on the ground and do my work.

Here's what I have so far.

The Fall

I enjoyed The Fall very much.
I thought that it was not only incredibly visually stunning, but extremely deep as well. There was so many things going on at once. It was a story about stories. But what I personally got from the movie was color.

I am aware of the fact that my color theory and use of color is not that well, which is why I want to improve on it. The movie had such vivid color composition whether it was intentional or not.

Let's get busy.

Paul Cezanne is a French Post-Impressionist painter.
Now, I have absolutely no clue what Impressionism was, let alone Post-Impressionism. So I looked it up.

"Impressionist painting characteristics include relatively small, thin, yet visible brush strokes, open composition, emphasis on accurate depiction of light in its changing qualities (often accentuating the effects of the passage of time), common, ordinary subject matter, inclusion of movement as a crucial element of human perception and experience, and unusual visual angles."

• Short, thick strokes of paint quickly capture the essence of the subject, rather than its details. The paint is often applied impasto.
• Colours are applied side-by-side with as little mixing as possible, creating a vibrant surface. The optical mixing of colours occurs in the eye of the viewer.
• Grays and dark tones are produced by mixing complementary colours. Pure impressionism avoids the use of black paint.
• Wet paint is placed into wet paint without waiting for successive applications to dry, producing softer edges and intermingling of colour.
• Painters often worked in the evening to produce effets de soir—the shadowy effects of evening or twilight.
• Impressionist paintings do not exploit the transparency of thin paint films (glazes), which earlier artists manipulated carefully to produce effects. The impressionist painting surface is typically opaque.
• The play of natural light is emphasized. Close attention is paid to the reflection of colours from object to object.
• In paintings made en plein air (outdoors), shadows are boldly painted with the blue of the sky as it is reflected onto surfaces, giving a sense of freshness previously not represented in painting. (Blue shadows on snow inspired the technique.)

"Post-Impressionists extended Impressionism while rejecting its limitations: they continued using vivid colours, thick application of paint, distinctive brush strokes, and real-life subject matter, but they were more inclined to emphasize geometric forms, to distort form for expressive effect, and to use unnatural or arbitrary colour."

Now that I got the basics covered, I can move onto Paul Cezanne. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, interesting things. Hearing that Picasso and Matisse said that Cezanne "is the father of us all" made my ears perk up. Also the fact that Cezanne didn't have any financial worries surprised me too, especially since there's always that myth surrounding starving artists. The light airy techniques of his paintings intrigue me as well. They evoke moods that words alone cannot.

Also the way that Cezanne approached his work very similarly reminds me of how I was taught to draw growing up. To simplify and to look at everything in terms of geometric shapes. I don't know if even after years of formal training that technique has stuck with me or not, but I have definitely learned to draw like that before.

Cezanne liked to concentrate on still lifes, portraits, landscapes, and studies of bathers.

The fact that Cezanne died while painting took "doing what you love" to a whole other level.

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I especially enjoy the landscapes he painted of mountains. He utilized the physical structure of a mountain- jagged, rocky, and rough- and through that, the essence of cubism evolved.