Beginnings

Sometimes I feel as if my freshman self was more zealous and carefree when heading into a project.
Lately it feels like I've become more cautious and curious about making something good. I tell people that it's all in the process and that you shouldn't worry about making a good "x", especially if it's your first. But perhaps I'm not practicing what I preach.

I think I can attribute this to energy and freshness. During my freshman year, everything was spectacularly new and different. I was in a new environment and adjusting to this new concept known as "STAC" and "Bold Optimism." Knowing myself, I get bored quite easily and unless I find a reason to continue working on something, I abandon it. But I also think it's important to see things through till the end because producing work and getting things done is what will count in the end.

That being said, I do feel like a reason why I've partially lost that "gung ho" drive is because I've become comfortable. High school no longer offers me anything new and I need change in order to thrive. I'm twiddling my thumbs and waiting to go to college already where the people are different and the challenges are worth while. Or maybe I'm making excuses. Not sure.

Now on the topic of what keeps me from starting something....

I have preoccupations (also colloquially known as distractions) and a routine that usually sets me up to work. When I'm at home, I have to clear my table, make myself a cup of tea, check Facebook, close Facebook and then get comfortable. It's only then that I usually am able to sit down and get going on a project like writing a paper.

Some tricks that I use to get myself started is to set up things the night before so that the next day, I'm more motivated to work on it. For example, if I'm set to work on a paper (this is my example at the current moment because well, I'm in the midst of writing my "do or die" PiG paper), I'll open all the documents I'll need the night before so that the next time I sit down in front of my computer to work, I'll dive right into it.

Fear

Fear.

Through the years that I've been in STAC, one of the main ideas that Luke has tried to pound out of everybody is the concept of fear. Everything that we cannot do comes from the root of fear. The fear to disappoint, the fear that we are not good enough, the fear that others will judge us, the fear that we will fail...the list goes on. Fear disguises itself as "laziness, resistance to deadlines, irritation with materials or surrounding, distraction over the achievements of others...anything that keeps you from giving your work your best shot."

When making artwork, we encounter a great amount of fear. Hell, we encounter a great amount of fear even when we are not making artwork. But I think that fear may be one of the reasons why many individuals stop pursing their talents within the arts. Let's say that someone who is in high school has the drawing abilities of someone in 1st grade. A peer sitting next to this person is the same age but has the drawing skills of an artist who is twenty years ahead of their present self. The kid who can't draw as well is discouraged from ever nurturing their potential talent because they're put down by other competition. Julian is a prime example that comes to my mind when it comes to shutting the door in fear's face. He only realized and figured out that he wanted to apply for art school in his senior year and if you ask me, that's pretty damn fearless.

That brings me to my next point: when in the realm of art, competition and those who are better than you shouldn't make you feel insecure about your abilities. You should not feel afraid of the possibility that you will never be as talented as someone whose work hangs on the walls of museums. You should however, feel compelled to spit in fear's face. You should feel determined and ready to jump the hurdles that are necessary in order to one day see your artwork among the reigns of greatness. Those who are better than you in what you want to pursue should become a model of what you want to achieve and someday even surpass.

Let them function as a beacon of light, not a hopeless abyss of darkness.

"On the other side of fear is freedom."

The Art of Being Artless, or in other words, Bob Ross

I'm very intrigued by Bob Ross and his impact on American culture.

In the second chapter of The Accidental Masterpiece, The Art of Being Artless, Michael Kimmelman goes into detail about how Bob Ross was a "televangelist painter."And it really is true to some extent.

There's not much I can say that sums up Bob Ross' impact on people better than these two passages:

"Ross thereby touched on a basic reason for making art-- to have a place to indulge your id and comfort your ego, an area of authority, where perhaps, secondarily, with luck and a little effort, you might make something good enough to hand on the wall or show to strangers."

"Ross did not get bogged down in the issue of whether his cheesy paintings were actually good. Nor did he really care whether anybody even painted along with him."

I don't think it really mattered that Bob Ross wasn't a true Picasso; he exposed the general public to a new past time that was no longer exclusively available to the rich and wealthy. Throughout his 30 min. landscape painting episodes, he constantly motivated his viewers to "make decisions" and allow themselves to "find themselves in their paintings." Kimmelman put it the best-- "His purpose was as much to massage souls as it was to teach painting." He essentially sold hope to the American public and they devoured it like the last supper. He realized that even if you don't have the technical expertise of let's say, Leonardo Da Vinci, it shouldn't and doesn't make you any less capable of creating and enjoying art. Art is for anybody and everybody.

Pierre Bonnard & Scene

This is a portrait of Reneé Monchaty, one of the two women that Pierre Bonnard had an affair with while married to Marthe de Méligny (who mind you, isn't even her real name). This is a very peculiar portrait due to several things: the intensity of the color and the more aggressive strokes. There is something about this painting that suggests to me the sheer delight that Bonnard had while putting paint down. The length of strokes are longer than usual; they almost feel more confident and precise. Perhaps Bonnard ended up involving himself in an affair with this woman because she was the complete opposite of Marthe. I mean, it's completely clear- even the way that he illuminates her personality shines through in the way that he portrays her. She's a sunflower, Marthe is a dandelion.

In comparison to the previous painting, Bonnard paints this portrait of Marthe in a more reserved fashion both in strokes and color. He seems more hesitant when painting Marthe (which is perfectly fine because that's how Marthe was; delicate like a bird). Personally, I really love how he depicts Marthe because as a viewer, it's clear that their relationship was soft and patient. The vibration of colors and paint on Marthe's body truly matched his goals: "He wanted to convey the feeling of living human beings occupying a room, so that his work would not be simply a static image of an inanimate object place recorded by a detached observer but a remnant, like lingering perfume, of the interaction between himself and his model in that space, a memory of their being together, which mean, frequently, a memory of him and Marthe, his principal model, " (14). 

Although Picasso would've rather skinned Bonnard than be in the same room as him, I must say that there is some value to the "impressionist after impressionism was dead," (10). The emptiness in Bonnard's eyes in this self portrait is quite haunting...he looks so very distant and preoccupied. I'm curious about what is happening in the background- it's not completely rendered, but rendered enough to identify fuzzy two bodies. It's almost like his desires are split between two women- perhaps between Reneé and Marthe.

*SCENE*

INT. LIVING ROOM

Sunlight is pouring into the spacious yet slightly cluttered living room. Renée is splayed across a couch, seemingly lost in her own head. Pierre is sitting across from her, easel up, painting. Several other unfinished canvases litter the walls.

PIERRE

Oh Reneé darling...you're so beautiful, the way that the sunlight kisses your body.

RENÉE

Oh, darling..

PIERRE

(Hushed)

I'd like to see Picasso get a piece of ass like this.

RENÉE

Excuse me?

PIERRE 

Nothing.

Renée shifts her position on the couch. She is now sitting upright, looking slightly troubled. Her mind feels distant.

RENÉE

Do you love me Pierre? I mean...do you truly love me? And I mean love, love. It breaks my heart to see you run aloof with that pigeon, Marthe. Why deal with pigeons when you can deal with peacock-

Renée's thoughts are abruptly cut off by the front door opening. Marthe enters the room, makes eye contact with Renée and then Pierre. She is wide-eyed and stunned. Her face becomes beet red. Renée realizes who just happened to walk through the door. She puts on a slight smirk and crosses her legs.

PIERRE

(Flustered)

O-Oh Marthe! I wasn't, um, expecting you for, um, another three hours or so! What're you doing home so, uh, early? And oh! This here is erm, my friend-

RENÉE

The name's Renée. He's cheating on you with me, hun. Sorry not sorry.

PIERRE

I can explain.

Marthe becomes quietly enraged and forces a smile. 

MARTHE

Well, okay, Pierre. Have, uhm, fun with your, how do I say it? Oh right! Filthy prostitute. I suppose I'll be back later.

Marthe clears her throat, scans the room once more, and then suspiciously backs out from the living room. Renée and Pierre share an awkward moment.

RENÉE

Sucks to be her, huh. Anyway, are you going to finish painting me or what? I'm not going to be alive forever, darling.

INT.DINING ROOM - THE NEXT MORNING

Pierre is sitting in his kitchen, drinking an espresso and catching up on the daily newspaper. A headline catches his eye. It reads Blond Woman Found Stabbed to Death in Bed of Roses. Marthe sneaks up from behind him and puts her hand on his shoulder. She scares him and Pierre does a spit take.

MARTHE

(Half-heartedly)

It's such a shame, what happened to Renée. Oh well.

PIERRE

...Shit.

Popcorn!

Today was my second independent project work day on the film with Jessica J, Emily, and Brian. I am glad to say that I am very impressed and happy with how today's progress went. Jessica, our lovely head writer, pulled together a script for our short film a few nights ago and we went in and cut it up today. Being a first draft, there were obviously a few errors that needed fixing. As a team, we put our noggins together and edited the entire film script.

The meaning of the film changed entirely and another main character presented themselves as we were writing the script. Interesting how these sort of things work out; we weren't even trying to make another character! At the very end, Luke hopped in and gave us some advice that I believe really solidified the entire film.

I don't want to give away too much of what the film is about because I believe that we have really created a little gem here. We still have some tweaking to do here and there but overall, our plot is pretty solid. This is going to be a good project because it's short and completely doable.

I'm excited to see where this film will take us next.

A Short Film

Today was a work day. That's quite self explanatory, isn't it?

We came together and brainstormed for all of the three periods and we were trying to figure out how to go about starting this project. We narrowed it down and gave the film a couple of parameters: First of all, the film will be within 3-5 minutes long. Secondly, it will either be a horror or a dramedy (we're leaning towards the latter). Lastly, we decided that it was going to revolve around a man and one of his childhood memories. Our research included discussing Louis C.K. and his cynical (but brutally honest) approach to the world and watching a couple of his stand-up clips.

It took us a little while to solidify an idea because we were all going off on different tangents and considering different possibilities. However, I believe one of our problems today was that we were trying to collaborate and create this film into a much longer thing than we had time for. Luke stepped in near the end and clarified that to us.

I'm serving as the director/cinematographer/video editor in this project and my vision for this film is to create something that is straight to the point and direct while at the same time being of high quality. While there's nothing quite on par with the short film Porcelain Unicorn, it gives me hope that it's very possible to make a fantastic 3 minute film.

Senior Independent Projects

For my independent project, I've decided to collaborate with Emily, Jessica, and Brian in creating a film. For the most part, I believe that it's safe to assume that they will be the master brainstormers in terms of the script. I volunteered to film and help direct the movie. Tomorrow we're planning on bringing some ideas to the table and throwing them around till we seem to get something that we all enjoy.

Well here goes nothing.